Surviving Myself

20 ways to survive in a horror movie.

indyam:

justnithya:

A quick run-down should you ever find yourself trapped in a horror movie and would prefer to live to tell the tale.

1. Don’t have sex.

• Seriously
• Abstinence is key.

2. Don’t go out with people you’ve just met that day.

• I don’t care how good he says his weed is
• he is cuckoo bananas
• and he wants you dead.

3. Don’t go to camp. Especially one where someone was murdered.

• There are six words you should YouTube, should you get the chance
• “Kevin Bacon in Friday the 13th”

4. Find a good hiding place and… STAY. THERE.

• If the killer can’t see you or hear you WHY WOULD YOU MOVE?
• Possibly the easiest rule to follow and, ironically enough, the easiest to break.

5. Always wear sensible shoes, ‘cause you never know when you’ll need to run through the woods.

• Someone will always be barefoot
• Or in heels
• Or just plain clumsy
• And will sprain their ankles
• And die.

6. If the town looks deserted, it’s probably because everyone is dead.

• Don’t walk around looking for people
• House of Wax, anyone?

7. Don’t be a hero.

• Unless you’re name is Harry Fucking Potter, you will die.
• Hell, maybe even then.
• I mean.

8. If you hear something creepy in the distance, like a dog’s yelp cut off mid-bark, don’t investigate.

• The killer is there.
• Also your dog is dead.

9. Always check the backseat before entering your vehicle.

• The last thing you need is to be killed while trying to merge on the expressway.

10. If your car breaks down in front of a dilapidated gas station, don’t ask a sketchy-looking townie for help.

• Some part of your body will wind up in his pick-up truck

11. Don’t go into the basement.

• They are creepy enough without you dying in one.

12. If you’re trying to buy a house and the real estate agent won’t answer any direct questions about either the history of the home or the previous tenants, DO NOT MOVE IN.

• At some point, someone in the house heard voices and cracked.

13. Turn off the television (and run away) if a girl crawls out of it.

• It is obviously your wisest choice.
• SEE ALSO: poltergeist, daughter trapped in tv because of.

14. If the walls of your house bleed, do not attempt an exorcism. 

• Move very very far away
• Because there’s blood on your walls.
• Blood.
• Your
• Walls
• Are 
• Bleeding.

15. Don’t act like a detective.

• Some crazy Japanese kid who meows like a cat will attack you in a closet.
• If you live, awesome story to tell your friend, right?
• But if you die, it is like the opposite of awesome.

16. Google the location you’ll be vacationing at.

• If more than five reports for “Missing Persons” pops up, you know not to go there.
• Issue. Solved.

17. Don’t get drunk. Or come under the influence of any mind-altering drug.

• Running away from a killer is that much harder when you’re tipsy and giggling.

18. If you see someone in a mask, don’t assume it’s one of your friends playing a trick on you to scare you.

• It is the killer.
• ALSO: laughing while saying, “Tommy, is that you in that stupid mask? Oh, I’m so-o-o-o-o scared!” is not conducive to your surviving.
• Killer’s are very sensitive about their disguises.

19. Don’t take a shower.

• ONLY APPLIES IF:
• It’s past midnight at the campground you and your sorority sisters are staying at or
• The lock to the door doesn’t work and you hear creepy piano music

AND THE LAST AND MOST IMPORTANT:

20. If the call is coming from inside the house, get out.

• Clearly the killer is not outside, now is he

Good to know. Thank you.

(via amindy07)

1. sflo1822 liked this
2. just2seeyoursmile reblogged this from dontknowjustreadit
3. justmefeelingtherain reblogged this from loveheartsandonedirection
4. infinitely-y0ung liked this
5. loveheartsandonedirection reblogged this from dontknowjustreadit
6. dontknowjustreadit reblogged this from justnithya
7. bdworkman liked this
8. tulipsoldier reblogged this from drackiszunk
9. l0v3patsy reblogged this from samanthalabelle
10. osnapitzmegss liked this
11. enjoy-the-mayo liked this
12. sinneversleeps reblogged this from timetogodowninflame
13. paperfaces76 liked this
14. josita liked this
15. rubykeepyourheadup liked this
16. portraymeimperfectly reblogged this from thephantomissherlocked
17. isladelmar liked this
18. damnkdramas reblogged this from zoeblaize
19. soupornatural reblogged this from calamithyjane
20. gorgeouslyflawedlovely liked this
21. electricbounce reblogged this from justnithya
22. timetogodowninflame reblogged this from run--dmc
23. evilbeware-wehavewaffles reblogged this from nesyra
24. not-that-it-matters reblogged this from justnithya
25. reid-t4rd reblogged this from gigglingmisfit
26. gigglingmisfit reblogged this from everjustwhelmed
27. mad4s4l-latter reblogged this from thegirlandherthoughts
28. arsenicnoise reblogged this from e-staffs
29. dogsnameisfrank liked this
30. radimore reblogged this from lostherwings
31. lostherwings reblogged this from marypsue
32. damnkdramas liked this
33. luna18 liked this
34. onedaysmore liked this
35. drackiszunk reblogged this from spirofire
36. spirofire reblogged this from everjustwhelmed
37. everjustwhelmed reblogged this from zoeblaize
38. zoeblaize reblogged this from jimmoriartyandonyourkneespet
39. imbatmanbaby liked this
40. the-batcave-gotham reblogged this from kalfire12
41. kalfire12 liked this
42. kalfire12 reblogged this from wendyalice
43. nabooliola reblogged this from wendyalice
44. wendyalice reblogged this from jimmoriartyandonyourkneespet
45. greendalestextsfromlastnight liked this
46. blueknightmar reblogged this from randomclutter
47. randomclutter reblogged this from swiftieadubber
48. whynotinsufferableperfection reblogged this from swiftieadubber
49. amandaaa-allstar081 liked this
50. amandaaa-allstar081 reblogged this from swiftieadubber
51. Show more notesLoading...